Magic Sam turns 1 today. You know how people say "Wow! Already?!?! Time flies!"... well, I don't always agree with that, and I certainly don't in this situation. It feels like he's been around for longer than that, and I know that sounds negative, but I don't want it to. PB and I felt this way about Gigi too, and I think that what's different this time is just how much stuff has happened since he was born.
Given that it's Tuesday, given how broke we are and given how this time around, we don't feel the need to throw a big party celebrating this milestone, I feel like it's important to still mark the occasion, because really, it's great that it's here.
I love you, Magic Sam. Your face is delightful- whether it's being serious while checking someone out or cracking up into your amazing smile. The fact that your first real word is Gigi fills my heart with hope and happiness, because she has been waiting so patiently for the time to come when you guys can have real genuine communication, and this proves to her that it's just a matter of time. Your determination at figuring out how to walk way before you properly crawled blew me away a couple of months ago, and to now see you cruise around the place like you own it is my new favorite thing to see (the image of you singing along to Otis Redding while down on one knee and naked is one of the best things ever).
You're one year old and while there have been a lot of challenges in your short life so far, I hope you've only felt loved and protected. I've worried that sometimes I might've been too short with you, but I'm trying to forgive myself those moments because I think you're doing OK. You're affectionate and so sweet to those of us you've let into your world that I think you understand that I wasn't aiming my frustrations and fears at YOU. I've wanted and fought for you the second I knew you were coming. We've had conversations for so long that I'm so glad we're almost through this first year because I just want to hear what you have to say back... What do your adorable coos mean? What do you talk about in the bath or high chair when you talk and then throw your head back in laughter?
I spent today going through Youtube to listen to the songs that remind me of our first nights breastfeeding in the old place... not because I'm nostalgic for those times, but because even then, I appreciated the quiet of just having you in my arms. There were some horrible songs that came out last summer, but funnily enough, when I hear them all after so much time, they don't seem so horrible because I just remember being cozy with you on the couch (except for that Avicii song... I can't make it through that one no matter what!). I think the first one that comes to mind is this one... and yes, the Grammys made me cry, and I know it's super cheesy, but I will always think of you when this comes on:
Delivering you was one of the scariest and hardest things I've ever gone through (and I'm sure papa would agree!), but I promise you I'd do it again a hundred times in order to have you exactly as you are. That sounds like I'm exaggerating, but I'm not. Your arrival on August 12 carried so much weight and as Gaga told me last year, you gave us back August. I will one day be able to explain that to you, but until then, just remember that love is patient and that we will always keep you warm, Magic Sam.